Songs I've Made

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/13509392/Where%20Have%20You%20Been.mp3 This is my first vocal cover. Ever. I did this for a friend for their birthday. The song is Where Have You Been by Manchester Orchestra.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/13509392/Earthrise%20%28Mixed%29.mp3 This is a song Mike Mirino and Mike O'Donnel wrote recently and asked me to add percussion. The song is called Earthrise and it can only be described as "WHAT THE FUCK", what started off as a jam led to a song, which led to more jams, with led to...well...it's a structured jam.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/13509392/19.mp3 as of tonight, I got bored and decided to make little songs using Ilana's poems like I had planned to do for STAC night but never got around to doing. At the time, I just wasn't confident with guitar at all, now I crank out little songs like these all the time. But these are special, these have ridiculous amounts of meaning that I can't even begin to fathom how much injustice I'm doing them. This is "19" written by Ilana Lipowicz.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/13509392/165.mp3 This is another one of Ilana's poems I made. It's her poem "165" which has always been my personal favorite.

I'm still making this little poem songs, and I'm hoping to crank out maybe 5 more, I'll post them up here afterwards.

what.

I'm up. At almost 2:30am mixing songs for fun. And since I'll have the house to myself tomorrow, I'll be making songs with whatever objects and instruments I want. YES.

GOODNIGHT.

Starting to Record.

I'm beginning to record for the EP I'm putting out, which has yet to be named, and (as I said in the past) I'm doing this solely off of garageband using an audio-interface. All the songs are written with both lyrics and guitar parts and all have titles. So now, it's rough demos for me and figuring out my voice some more. If any interest is taken to my work, let me know and I'll give you a copy when I finish.

The E.P. (Track List)
1) Returning
2) The Vessel
3) The Shame; We Became
4) The Two Way Street (however, there's a good chance that I'll be dropping this song from the list)
5) The Fence, In Autumn

Lyrics for some of the songs can be found on my poetry blog, the whole Trunk Tales Of Woe business.

EP Writing Process (No Process Reference, Please)

Tracks (So Far)
1) The Vessel
2) The Two Way Street
3) The Shame: We Became

The EP, Thus Far.

So, I have a few lyrics and guitar parts that I'm dying to use, but I felt it wasn't enough. Guitar and lyrics? No. Too little. So I've recommissioned my mandolin and I'm starting to write more parts! Of course, my EP is very similar to Bon Iver's "For Emma, Forever Ago" in that (I hate to say it) there is a lot of relationship issues that need some resolving on my part that I'm trying to work out through songs. For inspiration today, I've been listening to the song Creature Fear by Bon Iver. It's message? Go forth, and cry...enjoy.

STAC, I Miss You More and More Everyday.

I just watched the STAC 08-09 and STAC 09-10 montage and I'm pretty much on the verge of tears. You don't realize how much you've grown until you look to some comparison from the past, and I gotta say, this change is mind blowing. I would not be the person I am today without the aide of STAC and everyone that I've met in and through STAC. I feel like I'm lightyears ahead of what I'm experiencing right now through my thinking and the way I handle things. I mean, the doors that were opened for me are just getting noticed by myself now (which I feel weird saying, you'd think I'd notice by now). I'm FOREVER grateful for Luke, Ganes, both the 08-09, 09-10, and past STACies that I've had the honor of working with inside and outside of STAC. I'm forever grateful for Luke especially for always being there for me and pushing me, even though I'd often put him to the side when it came to being pushed because I was just naturally lazy, but I realize now that it was nothing more than wanting what was best for me and trying to help me in experience different things in my life. But I don't want to rant, I just want everyone to know that I love you guys to pieces, I'm a mess without my family, and I hope you guys have a giant party soon so I can come visit everyone. These words are something that should not be taken in passing, I'm very much sincere when it comes to STAC and STAC related things. I love you guys, I've said it countless times, and I'll continue to say it until my jaw falls off, I LOVE YOU GUYS, past and present!

All the best in what life and STAC brings you! Keep creating!
-Nick

Lyrics

The lyrics are coming quite moderately to me. I've never been so cautious about what I write. I mean, I'm trying to beat about 500 meters around the bush without getting caught. I mean the EP is but isn't about people. People come up in the songs, but it's about what I've gone through from summer to now and why I did the things I did I suppose? Consider it about a 4-5 song apology/explanation to those who deserve one from me.

Music From a Friend

Well, it's happened, my ears can die happily. I received in the mail today a fellow STAC Alumni and dear friend, Patrick Goodsell's E.P. entitled Come Home Happy (Or Not At All) and it is nothing short of the folky excellence I expected from him. This cd came with a personal letter that was short, but heartfelt. It reads, "Nick, Thank you for your interest. I've been nervous out of my mind about people hearing this music; your support is not something I take is passing. Thank you, and enjoy, Patrick." It seems like something that he'd just write to say thanks and not seem like he didn't care about what people thought of his music and it was to show his gratefulness for wanting the cd. And as I embark on the recording process myself, I'm terrified as well to show anyone anything. I've encountered problems with my voice already and how I feel about it's state. As of now, I'm still picking 2 songs that I want to cover at least, but I'm hoping to change it to one cover at most. This E.P. is essentially going to be a tiny tiny story of my life these past few months and year, which is something I need to people to know.

-Nick

What I'm Up To...

Hey guys, I'm keeping myself extremely busy this year, you'd all be proud. I'm writing as much as I can, drawing, dipping back into photography, and now, working on recording some songs myself. I'm starting the recording off with some covers to give me a place to start and then I'm hoping to have about 3 originals. I'll be doing all the work on the cd with recording and mixing. What makes this recording process different from my other ones is that I'm strictly recording in my house and I'm currently recording in a million different spots to see where I can get the best sound, I'll keep everyone posted!

Homesick, Depression, and All Sorts of Variations.

People are going away. It's almost like some fatal illness that people brush off when hearing about it. "It'll never happen to me", etc. but what the hell do you do when it finally happens? Accept it? It's weird. One of my closest friends shipped out this morning, and I had nothing to say other than "I love you, don't go...ok go, I love you." Almost as painful as pulling sores from your ass.

Luke and I have talked about friendships, mainly the coming and goings, but he defined friendship to me as "being able to give someone space". At first, it's a completely outlandish idea to me, but after a week or two, it settled in and I've never forgotten it. Essentially, this is for all of you who are going to be seniors. You'll all do better than me.

Hello.

Essentially, I'm back. This summer (so far) has been the biggest wake up call to me. I changed a lot towards the end of the year, and not for the better. This week I realized just how long it has been since I've written anything on my blog that I almost completely forgot about and I immediately ran to the computer. I've been working 7 days a week, lost 2 of my best friends, made a few new friends, had an intervention about my not owning a drum set with my band, been recording and writing with the boys in the band, rekindled past relationships, and like always, continuing to learn as I go on. I realized just how damn lucky I was to have STAC in my life, and I regret not fully understanding just how big it is until now.

To Luke, I owe you quite an apology. This year was just a bad year and I acted on my emotions more than I have ever in my life. I apoologize for upsetting you in anyway. You were always more than a teacher to me. You were always a friend I could go to about anything and not feel any sort of pressure. I know you always just wanted to push me in a positive way to things that would help me, and I always seemed to have gotten too afraid to give it my all. I'll have you know, that has changed and it's because of everything you taught me. Thank you.

To everyone else in STAC (both past and present), I'm sorry I haven't been there for all of you. I've been using the summer as a hibernation and it's not fair. I was afraid of growing up and it took me this summer to realize whether I wanted it to happen or not, it was. I actually believed I had a choice, which was EXTREMELY childish of me. I want ANY OF YOU to contact me if you EVER need help with anything! Whether it be artistically or just need someone to listen about whatever, I'm here for ALL of you. I'm willing to take this head on. I'm doing this for all of you. My family.

I love all of you. I'm back.

Rob's Workshop

Last Friday I went to Rob's workshop and it couldn't have happened at a better time! I actually have started to rekindle my interest in photography, but that's besides the point. Rob's workshop was really relaxed and fun. We looked at some photographs and talked about the lighting and how it effects the photograph itself and the message it gets across, he showed us this through 2 different photographs by 2 different photographers, I forget their names, but they were awesome! Then he told us about the Secret book and how people write down their secrets on a postcard that has some sort of art on it and they send it in to be published in the book. Rob told us to each get a bit of paper and write out our secrets on it and then our partners had to photograph us thinking about the secret or photograph the secret coming "alive" through us and then we had to get a picture of ourselves as the person we present to other people (this reminded me of Jim and the idea of the mask everyone wears). After we got a few shots of our partners, we had to go outside and take a picture of ourselves and things which spoke about who we were as a person. I really got into the whole natures-leaving-us aspect of outside and got a pretty cool shot of some sort of writing in the pavement. Overall, I really dug Rob's workshop, I just wish we had more time to actually do the photo-shoot with our partners but I suppose with more limited time and limitations, the more likely it is you won't mess around and you can actually get a good shot.

Dave's Workshop #2

So this time around, things got more difficult. It's known that I'm not the best bassist, and I'm not saying it out of low self-esteem, but because I never got that far with lessons and I've never really played bass seriously. Dave was talking about techniques that are really simple for a lot of people, but for me, it's incrediabley difficult. I don't think I was really meant to be in his workshop to be quite honest, and it's not your fault. I don't think you knew my level of capabilities on the bass, but I'm no where near good enough (even with practice) to be good for another workshop with Dave. This is for more advanced musicians who know all their scales, capabilities, playing techniques, etc. I am not one of those people. I can play any standard rock song, those aren't hard, but Jazz is a whole other world that I'm not at all ready for. I need more practice on my own with bass before I can consider it. I don't want to hold the group back, so despite our talk yesterday, I think it's best I leave Dave's workshop. If you wouldn't mind, I'd love to work with Robin, he's helping me with mixing songs, which is something I've wanted to pursue since I started running sound and I've been doing a lot of it this year. I'm sorry again and to Jack, Jesse, and Leah, you guys are great players, it was fun when I wasn't messing up!

Dave's Workshop #1

Thursday was the first day of the jazz workshop with Dave. During the workshop we talked about a very popular jazz standard called Giant Steps by John Coltrane. Leah, Jack, and Jesse played scales played up and down in half-step intervals. I couldn't join in on the scales because the furthest I've gotten in my lessons was the C scale and I believe the G, I'm not entirely sure. I was really nervous for the workshop because I heard that Dave doesn't put up with people that don't know their stuff, and I'm not the greatest bass player, but Dave was pretty easy on me and that really made me feel more comfortable. He assigned Jesse and I to practice some scales for the next workshop so I've been practicing my scales. Next workshop I believe we'll be playing Scrapple From The Apple by Charlie Parker and I'm looking forward to it quite a bit. I want to actually be able to play songs and not just take the root notes and just hold those out, my goal is to become a more disciplined bass player after this workshop and a more comfortable one too, I'm already on my way!

STAC Book Presentation

Today I talked about the book, Wittgenstein's Poker by David Edmonds and John Eidinow. I think my presentation went well, but it was pretty short. I feel I spoke too much about how the book effected me than the actual book itself. I gave a really broad interpretation of the book and didn't touch on anything specific. I think for my next report, I'll avoid comparing it to my life and how its helped me and find an equilibrium between me and the content in the book.

Recently...

Recently, I started a band with a few friends. It's probably the most fun I've had in a band in a long time. I haven't taken it too seriously and I'm playing drums again for the first time in a while for a band. I'm actually having fun. Music is fun again. But anyways, we decided that we'd lose the first song we wrote and write a better one in it's place. I wrote lyrics for it and again, another first in a long time. I haven't written seriously on my own in what feels like a year. I claimed to have a bad case of writer's block, but I think I was just scared to try it again. But as I was writing, I wasn't getting angry, I wasn't throwing out page after page. I just wrote. It all seemed to make sense to me. I thought I'd share the lyrics with you guys. It's not one of my best works, but, regardless, it's mine.

I know this place,
too many familiar back streets;
you and your intentions
pressed to streets.

Lets keep this between you and I,
once more, please.

Pick it up
pick it up
and kindly take your leave
kindly, you've been fine
I know you mean well.

Pick it up
pick it up
and kindly take my place,
you're doing just fine
I wish I meant well.


So those are the lyrics. Bit short, but I never wrote lyrics that were long anyways.

Why do I do?

Why do I do what I do? I wish it was simple, but there's nothing in art that's simple. Each thing I do is very similar. I write, I play music, I act, and I draw when I can. I started writing because I had to, not because I wanted to. I needed to get the phrases I'd get in my head out and the only way it'd work was with paper and a pen. I'd write my poems on anything I could find to relieve my head from the attacking stanzas. After a little while of writing, I began to play music. Music had always made me move. I don't mean dance, I'd keep tempo with my hands and feet and I'd be moving my head back and forth with the song playing. Hell, I'm even doing it now listening to a song. I got my first guitar in the 4th grade. A Fender Strat that was my dad's friend's and he didn't use it anymore. I got rid of it, but if I still had it, it'd be known as the catalyst for my interest in music in every aspect. I act because it's what I've been doing my whole life and I never realized. I was constantly doing odd things as a kid that I knew would either make people laugh or get annoyed. I can't stop acting...it's pretty much who I am, not who I'm not. All these things take quite a toll on me mentally and physically and drawing is how I relax from it all. But I suppose all the pain and fatigue that I get through my art is something I don't mind. I'd rather die doing something I'm disgustingly proud of and have scars and bruises to show for it then working at some office confined to a cubicle. My life is sacrificing my body and mind for my art. My art is product and subject to change of me. I am my art.

365...

I'll be showing you the evolution of my bass that I'm building. Before I can show you it, you should see my other basses and where the inspiration for the body came from. I've combined elements from my 4 basses to create the bass I'm building.



The red bass is my newest bass, and most prized bass. A red Spector bass with one passive EMG humbucker. This bass gives me the capability to play a nice warm song and, if I so desire, a bright funk slap and pop groove all with the turn of a knob. This bass pretty much says I can do anything you can throw at me, which ties to my optimistic outlook on things.

The middle, an epiphone knock off precision bass. I didn't really ever care for it to be honest. I just wanted another bass that I could throw flat wound strings on. These past couple of days, this has been my go-to bass when it comes to practicing. I'm trying to see what kind of tone as a bassist I prefer, and I'm leaning more towards to low warm tones of this bass. I suppose I can only define this bass as the beginning of a summer night, before it gets too dark and its still cool out.

The final bass in this picture is my second oldest bass in my possession. A 4 string Ibanez Gio with GHS Boomers on. If your a musician, you'd know that this bass is the brightest sounding of all my instruments. The GHS strings are really in your face and give off a slap sound even with a pluck of a pick or the pluck of my index finger. I only use this bass for fast music to capture the meaning of the given song. This bass has an attitude of it's own and is completely underestimated by me every time I play it.



This bass is my Squire 5-string and has undergone surgery. This bass is the reason I got into building. I did this bass whilst going through my folk phase. This bass has changed, but is still the bass I bought regardless of the look. This bass is sweat in the grain and I've got the arms to prove it. This bass taught me to take my time with things, and to wait for the end, it's always the best part.

It's with great pride that I unveil to you the bass I've been building. The picture doesn't capture the flaws as much as I'd like it to. Despite the way it looks now somewhat, it still has a ways to go before it's even CLOSE to being done.



Tober Bass #0709 From now until it's completion, I'll be putting up pictures everyday after I work on this bass. Enjoy the show.

Promises I made...

So what have I done since the do over? It came to me yesterday, in a question. I was asked a really cliche question, "what is your biggest regret in life?" I never really thought about it. I was going to try and think of something funny to say, but then I really had to think about it. What do I regret? I'm sure there's quite a lot, but at the same time, I'm a STRONG believer in that "whole everything happens for a reason", thus, I can't be holding regrets if they were meant to be. But what about the stuff that isn't happening? It hit me. I realized that my biggest regret is my insecurities. Am I doing what I really want to? I'm satisfying my id? I feel selfish asking that, but am I? Being 17 should be enough, right? I mean I fit the average 17 year old standards, I have a bunch of guitars, I hang out with my friends, I have a girlfriend, I have "my own" style, etc. But I guess that's not what I want out of my life. I don't know what it is that will end this feeling I have, but I hope it comes along eventually in my life. I want to start filming things more. I think I want to film me and my friends. I thought of it yesterday. We wind up in these weird places and we have these rituals that need to be documented. Not because I don't want to forget my friends, but because where ever we wind up, it makes me think how good it'd be to get these places on film.

I want to find what makes me satisfied. Although, that's impossible, if I was satisfied, I wouldn't have to create anymore, and not being creative is out of the question. I want to find comfort in what I do again. I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing, and not what someone else is doing.

Empty Stomach...

I just did my ennegram test now in the STAC room on the worst empty stomach that I've ever had and what my results were not a 7. I was told "your are most likely a type 2. Taking wings into account, you seem to be a 2w1." When I clicked the type 2 link, I was ashamed of what the title said. Helpers who need to be needed." I'm not arguing at all that it's incorrect, because it's too correct, but I just never wanted to face the fact that I give more than I get. It's something I've been dealing with for quite a while now, and I wish no one knew about it. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel like I need attention and pity, which is actually the last thing I want/need. In the very least bit, I'd like the people I give my time to, in any form, to recognize it. They don't have to appreciate it or hate it, just now that I did that for them. I feel I do put too much into relationships with others, but I don't mind it at all. I love helping people. I love making people feel good about themselves. I figure life is about problems and defeating them, and I like helping people defeat things. It's not easy doing some things alone, and I know I hate doing certain things alone, but somethings need to be handled strictly by myself. I'm a helper. I'd like my due recognition just like everyone else. I want others to know I've helped, and I can help again.

http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/type2.php

"I will be alright..
I will be, just fine."
Song: Duermete
Artist: As Tall As Lions

Pardon?

Here's another song I found today that I've been quite in love with. It's disgustingly astounding.

This is the story of our first teacher
Shetland made her jumpers
And the devil made her features
Threw up her hands when my mum said our names
Embroidered all her stories with slanderous claims
It's over and done with...

This is the story of losing my virginity
I held my breath and the bed held a trinity
People I'm making no claims to no mystery
But sometimes it feel like
My sex life's all history
It's over and done with...

I'm not saying these events didn't
Touch our lives in any way
But, ah, they didn't make the impression
That some people say

This is the story of watching a man dying
The subject's unpopular
But I don't feel like lying
When I think of it now I acted like a sinner
I just washed my hands
Then I went for my dinner

Yeah
It's over and done with...

Song: It's Over and Done With
Artist: The Proclaimers

Here's a link to the song. If you see my with ipod tomorrow on the way to the city at any point, trust that I'll have this song playing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NBegquhJRM

Can you?

I figured everyone can take something away with these lyrics after the whole values, issues, and koan we did in class. This will probably relate to anything you wrote or feel...

I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking these days
These days
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do

And all the times I had
The chance to

I stopped my rambling
I don't do too much gambling these days
These days
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my way

And i wonder if I'd see another
Highway

I had a lover
I don't think I'll risk another these days
These days
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been losing
So long

La la la la la
La la

I'd stop my dreaming
I won't do to much scheming these days
These days
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter turns to ten

Please don't confront me with my failures
I had not forgotten them

Song: These Days
Artist: Nico

Core Values, Koan, Issues and, Nick...

Everyone knows what we did today, so I won't repeat anything. But after going to my final group to talk about some of my problems and things I hold dear to my heart, I found that despite the fact I almost never talk to Kalli simply because of work and sitting at different ends of the room, I found her issues quite relateable. I can say that whole "been there, done that" regarding how she views life, but why do that? I'd rather tell her that if her problems dealt with on her terms, she'll probably carry those problems through her life and try and adapt her life to other's. But it's nothing that she can't fix. There's nothing we can't fix. Kalli, you've got a good head on your shoulders there, kid.

So now, here's what I wrote down today.

Issues:

1) Fathers/Father Figures:

My dad and I never got along (refer to dream blog) and I don't feel like discussing more than that.

2) Responsibilities:

Upon the absence of my father, and two older brothers, I felt responsible for my mom and her well-being. For lack of a better term, I was the man of the house and that forced me to grow up quicker than I should have. I feel responsible for almost any sort of relationship in my life. whether it be my best friend, mom, girlfriend, family, or just people that I know that need any sort of help, but for some reason, I never seem to take responsibilities for myself. Odd, I know.

3) Voice

This one needs some explaining, which I'm more than happy to do. Growing up, I had a really bad speech impedement. I had a bad, bad lisp. I was mocked by my brothers and I became my mom's "cutest" kid. She would ask me to say certain things to hear my lisp because moms will be moms. I had to go to a speech school as a kid because of my severe impedement. My teacher's name was Miss Stacy. Try saying that with a lisp. Terrible. I figured since I was going to school to get rid of my lisp that it was something that is bad. I would get frustrated when I was reminded of my old problem and yell at others who had and problems pronouncing words. Thats the jist of my issue with voice, and I don't want to talk more about it.

Values:

1) Nature: I need Fall and Summer to do anything creative. My work thrives around nature and the moon's cyclical change.

2) Ability: The ability to walk away, if I have to, from my work and let it stay the same as I change so when I return to it, it has some different inflections to me than it once did.

3) Wes Anderson: Look this guy up. I associate myself with almost all of his characters.

Koan:

Why can't I stand up for myself? Have I changed or have I lost a spine?

People in moderate places...

Recently I came across something on youtube. A girl who tought voice and guitar at a camp I used to go to is now making quite a name for herself. She's known as Jenny Owen Youngs. She's very talented, funny, clever, blonde, and badass. I've had the opportunity to hang out with her many times before she became known and is really an all around great person. This really just goes to show, you never know who is gonna be a somebody some day. So big ups to Jenny O and another mutual friend Bess Rogers for "making it"

Totally check them out sometime. Personal favorite Jenny O song, Fuck Was I. Pretty awesome stuff guys.

Everyone...

In spirit of my last post, I reconnected with another old friend today. We picked up right where we left off, dirty jokes and promises. Upon this rekindling, I realized nothings impossible, you just can't be afraid. You have to be ok with the possibilty of things not going your way and grow. As corny as it is, life doesn't stop for anything, and if it's gonna stop for you, make it worth everyone's while. Make it make people thankful. Everyone has a someone and a something. You find it, and make it work no matter what. We can always say we try, but unless you truly are trying, you won't get your moment.

All that being said, everyone has a someone. Everyone has someone that they depend on and someone that depends on them. It may not be the same person, but the flow is still there, and continuing. Here's a song I found today that completely explains what I'm talking about.

Song: Boats and Birds
Artist: Gregory and the Hawk

Phases: Music and a Friend

So every year, I go through phases of music where I only listen to one artist and then move on. Currently, I'm in my Blink-182/Reggie and the Full Effect phase. Both bands I listened to in 5th grade with a friend that I no longer friends with. I often miss that friend, we grew up together. I listen to the songs as a mourning in a sense of this person and even if the song is something as positive as "Aliens Exhist" by Blink, I still get upset. This friend will probably haunt me for the rest of my life because of how much of an impact he had on me. I started music because of him, and much like him, I don't take it too seriously, we both even went through times in our lives where we went on a break from music (at different times).

We eventually grew apart completely. He left our group of friends and became friends with cooler people, they aren't assholes, they're just cooler. He's with a whole new group while me and my friends talk about how everyone who was originally in our circle of friends seems to have gone away thus leaving only 5 people left out of 12 that still are as close as they were in 7th grade. I suppose their leaving seperated friends from people taking up space, but it still hurts.

It probably hurts more because I know that my old friend has moved on and doesn't seem to care about me anymore. I think that hurts that most. But I'll never stop hoping he doesn't turn back into his old-self and give me a call. There will always be hope. Without hope, I'd have moved on by now.

Ilana's Poem...

Ilana's poem inspired me to start writing again, especially since I've been feeling quite useless and less creative then ever. So I suppose she's restored my faith in looseleaf, and for that, I thank you over and over again. I also wrote this while listening to the playlist I made for the magazine after avoiding it since I submitted it. Ilana, this is for you, but it's not about you.

I can't tell anymore,
I'm certain that's selfish
but reassurance--

you've grown,
out of what I assumed were forests,
to an unforgiving city.

I've loved you.
Through labor
we age stereotypes.

But I can't do wrong by you,
every symphony knows that,
I can manage;
under and over
pulled tight,
kissed goodnight.
Wished on the moon for a visit,
wished on the grass for your sake.

hand in hand,
walking on planes and heads.

Screw eyes.
Damn ours.

Dearest muse,
you've done wrong
you've too comfortable,
you've been accounted for
in fields, towers, subways, and moss.

I'll always hope,
as you bow,
my mind is yours,
so we can laugh and sleep



"a pretty girl with broken wings is all that I desire"
Song: Sense, Sensibility Artist: Andrew Jackson Jihad
again.

This Break...

I haven't quite been myself this break. I've realized things that need to change in my life, and things that need to begin in my life. How these things will change and begin depend solely on myself and my willingness to change/help myself. I can't openly speak of my problems, which is a first, and it's not because I don't trust you guys, but this is something that needs to be figured out on my own. Forgive me if I seem a bit off, this may take some time.

I heard a song not too long into my epiphany that caused me to sit down and let out a bit of tears and relax. I get this whole visual when I hear this song, it's powerful to me. I imagine I'm in a car sitting behind the drivers seat going through the city, but it's empty. There isn't even a person behind the wheel. I'm moving at a normal speed looking out the window to an empty city with snow falling. The lights for stores aren't on. There's just a blanket of snow. No footprints or any imperfections in the snow that I can notice. It's peaceful.

I think I really want the city all to myself. I think I'm really selfish. I think I need more rest. I don't know what I need.

Lately I've been wandering around
Looking for my up and down
Oh, lately I've been all over town
What is lost and never found

I want to find tonight
I will be alright

Lately I've been wandering around
Looking for my up and down
I want to find tonight
I will be alright
I will be just fine

And I know that better days will come
And I know that better days will come
And I know that better days will come

Song: Duermete Artist: As Tall As Lions