Going back to what I know

So today, I went to Patrick's house to help him do a repair on a bass he made for his brother known as Frankenbass. A monster of woods thrown together with a pretty plain body with some custom features upon the request of his brother. I was sanding, which is something I take great pride in doing when working on an instrument. It's something I know I'm great at, and I know I can do with great care. It seems easy, but it takes a toll on your hands. I enjoyed it, I needed it to be honest.

While I was working on Frankenbass, Patrick was working on his new upcoming bass, a fretless with two scrolls and another monster of woods thrown together to be given the name "The Boxer Bass". And while working side by side for the first time since summer with Patrick, I felt totally humbled to be working with such a man of the craft. Doing something you're completely passionate about is something else, it really is. I love what I do and I'm lucky to have found what I love now instead of when I'm 40 facing some severe depression.

While working, we were talking about a very accomplished luthier, Carl Thompson. He's the man who builds Les Claypool's basses and Stanley Clarke's basses. He's a force to be reckoned with. Now while he may be accomplished, he's not passionate about what he does. Carl builds because he has orders to fill now and it's beyond his control. He wanted to be a jazz guitarist, but when word got out that he built an instrument, requests were made for him to build for others.

That is the worst.

I said that it hurts that someone we both look up to hates what he does. Then Patrick said something that made a lot of sense, "never meet your heroes". I think Patrick was let down more than me when he found this out. I mean I love Carl and his work, but Patrick builds because of him. Patrick's reason for anything related to bass building or repair comes from Carl. For me, I saw Patrick's bass during Children's Theater and I wanted him to build me one, but his basses are quite costly so I asked him to teach me how to build one. Ever since I started, I can't stop. My real hero is Stuart Spector, look his ass up dawgs. I want to work for him, but after hearing Patrick say what he said, I'm worried about meeting him and possibly being let down, I don't know how I'd regard the craft after hearing that what he's doing is just to make money, not to make people happy or himself. I can't handle that kind of news.


"Never meet your heroes" -Patrick Goodsell

Space, and why I can't go there.

So lately I've been pretty sad. But before I tell you what I've been sad about, you have to know how I think. I think logically, but with a different view than others. I've been told I'm "an intellectual thinker" and I feel weird accepting that title, I'd rather just call myself curious. So, why I've been sad:

Last year I started noticing the stars at night and the moon and how the night time seems to make me feel. I love space, in fact, I want to go to the moon in the worst way, but for me, it's impossible. I realized this after hearing a quote on a show I watch every now and then called Futurama. Here's the quote:

"Oh. I never told anybody this, but a thousand years ago I used to look up at the moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades. Or the physical endurance. Plus I threw up a lot, and nobody liked spending a week with me." -Fry

A humorous quote, yes, but the message is pretty much the same for me. It's painful to see something so beautiful and know you'll never be able to touch it, but I suppose that may be why I'm so infatuated with a giant rock in space. The fact that something only very few and fortunate people can experience my dream hurts. I'm so used to having things my way, and this is just shattering to me. I feel like a 5 year old because of my id, but I can't help it. And I dare you to go upstate and look at those stars and tell me that they aren't beautiful and that you wish there was just one other person you could share that moment with because seeing it alone would be too much for one person.

So today, instead of lyrics from a song, I'm leaving pictures for you all. Maybe it'll help those who don't understand why I want to go so badly. And yes, I'm a firm believer in other life forms beyond our knowledge.

http://www.emathclass.com/pictures/gods-eye.jpg

http://wanderingspace.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/space-walk.jpg

http://originalbeauty.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/spiral20galaxy.jpg

http://rriderlausd.org/blog2/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/galaxy.jpg

http://betsydevine.com/blog/pictures/MoonFlip.gif

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1152/1468750051_b0e4e6d2ed.jpg

http://www.ref6.com/images/P7078920.jpg

As promised, Tober updates.

Recently, I found that there is no band saw that I am aware of that can cut the Alder blank for the body, so I told Patrick I had no where to go and he suggested I use a coping saw. Great. I have to hand cut out the body of the bass, sand the edges, throw the body in a planer (a planer is a device for shaving off thickness of wood which will help me big time and is VERY necessary for me), establish contours, a profile, and round the horns and the scroll. Sounds like a lot right? Well, it is. While I'm not happy that I have to hand cut the body out, I feel it will make the instrument that much more personal when I finish it and make me appreciate it so much more. After I finish my PiG paper, I'll be able to start working on my bass again after a very long hiatus.

Leah Pupkin: I have your bass (obviously). He's all cleaned up, fixed, tuned, and ready for playing. I'll bring him to you friday in STAC, provided that works for you.

Everyone else: I fix instruments as well. I put that before building/working on any of my own instruments. If any of you have a guitar/bass/mandolin/banjo/ukulele that needs fixing and you want it done well and for free, tell me and I can do it for you. FREE of charge! I apologize for selling myself, but it's a passion of mine. I can fix your instruments during a weekend and get it back to you when ever you need it. After every repair, I clean your instrument, removing any fingerprint or scratch that was ever on the instrument.

Leah lent me her knock-off music man bass (which I love) and I noticed there were a few problems with the instrument. The action was VERY high, the fretboard needed cleaning, and the electronics needed to re-wired better. All of this was addressed in one night. The next thing that needs to be taken care of is new strings are needed, which really isn't bad at all.

Again, anyone need a repair? Tell me and I'll work for free and I promise you'll be satisfied.

PiG Paper..Que? Donde?

So my PiG paper is due thursday and to be quite honest, I'm not that nervous about it. For the first time (academically) I stood on my own two feet, and did it on my own, and what a time to start, senior year. I have terrible anxiety problems, and when it comes to papers, I usually stress more than I should, but this time, I took my time and didn't wait to the last minute. I broke it down step by step and did the work, and now, for the first time in a long time, I'm quite proud of myself. There are some people who have yet to start the paper, and I can relate to them. I've been that person for too long, and I found that being in that scenario makes me uncomfortable, sick, angry, annoyed, and extremely upset. I get a weird feeling on my shoulders, like a weight, and the worst part is, I know it can be avoided, so I get really angry at myself for letting myself for winding up in that position. But this time around, I have a job, a giant paper, christmas is around the corner and I need to buy presents, the anniversary of my Uncle's death and the death of my godmother's mom, Annie. You would think all these things would make me not even approach a computer with microsoft word on it, but I'm proud to say, I plan on finishing my PiG paper tonight and when I do, I'll feel more accomplished then ever before.

For everyone who is and will be writing the PiG paper, just remember this, IT'S JUST A PAPER! Stop worrying so much! Break it down like I did, and you'll avoid weeks of stress. Just because it's a graduation requirement doesn't make it life or death. Try and get it for 1st semester because if you do fail it, which I doubt, you'll have second semester to write again and make sure you don't make the same mistakes. Make goals for each time you go to work on your paper! My goal is to finish it tonight and my goal for tomorrow is to edit it and fix up little things here and there. Just don't stress. Relax. Relax. Relax. Relax. RELAX. Xaler. Relax. Relax. Relax. Relax.

"My pro-creator I have warned thee of my prophecy. Until that day, stand your fucking ground. My pro-creator, stand your fucking ground."
Artist: WhiteChapel Song: Father of Lies
(For Jack Morrow)

Come on children
You´re acting like children
Every generation thinks
its the end of the world
Artist: Wilco Song: You Never Know

Jill's Idea

So on my last post, I talked about a weird dream I had. Jill suggested that I go on dream dictionary website. I went on and looked up things that show up quite a bit in my dreams, here is what I found.

Perpetual Motion To dream of perpetual motion, indicates that you are experiencing general anxiety and nervousness over a situation. You may desire a change from the repetitive and/or predictable behavior from your job, relationship or daily life.

In certain dreams I have, I'm punching someone or something (I'm typically a very passive person) and I feel like there is some sort of force holding me back from letting me throw a full punch, and it's frustrating as hell.

Singing To sing in your dream, represents happiness, harmony and joy in some situation or relationship. You are uplifting others with your positive attitude and cheerful disposition. Singing is a way to celebrate, communicate and express your feelings.

In the dream I had recently, I was singing (screaming) along with the lyrics, but I wasn't mic'd. I was playing and singing along in the excitement of playing.

Fighting To dream that you are in a fight, indicates inner turmoil. Some aspect of yourself is in conflict with another aspect of yourself. Perhaps an unresolved or unacknowledged part is fighting for its right to be heard. It may also parallel a fight or struggle that you are going through in your waking life

This goes along with the punching. I'm stressed and it's mainly with myself. I want to be a better person but I constantly find myself being the person I want to run from when I'm with my friends.

Baby
To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. Babies symbolize something in your own inner nature that is pure, vulnerable, helpless and/or uncorrupted. If you find a baby in your dream, then it suggests that you have acknowledged your hidden potential. If you dream that you forgot you had a baby, then it suggests that you are trying hide your own vulnerabilities; You do not want to let others know of your weaknesses. If you dream that you are on your way to the hospital to have a baby, then it signifies your issues of dependency and your desire to be completely care for. Perhaps you are trying to get out of some responsibility. If you are pregnant, then a more direct interpretation may simply mean that you are experiencing some anxieties of making it to the hospital when the time comes.�

Not too long ago, I had a dream that I had a baby. I simply had a baby in my arms, I was a father and I didn't seem to mind at all. It almost seemed like nothing new to me.

To dream that you are hitting your father. represents a desperate need for greater closeness with your father. You feel that he is not listening to you. In particular, if you are hitting your father with a rubber object, indicates that whatever you are doing or telling him has no significant effect on him. Things just literally bounces off him.

Just so everyone knows: my parents are divorced. My father and I went our separate ways, I mean complete opposites. My father and I actually have a strong dislike for one another, and because he isn't in my life, I constantly attach myself to older male figures. Almost every male companion I have that's older than me is treated like a father and their lessons are kept in my head and are constantly used. My dad didn't support me as an artist. He thought writing was something girls did and music was ok, if it was guitar, which I don't play (well). I've been a let down to him as he to me.

If you play a musical instrument in your waking life, then the dream may serve as a rehearsal to improve your technique.

I suppose it makes sense, but I wish I knew why I was crying and playing, it's still bothering me quite a bit.

Musical
To dream that you are watching a musical, indicates that you need to be careful not to get carried away by your emotions

Not too long ago, I had a dream Into The Woods was up again, but playing in the gym. In my dream, Luke told me to "take over" because he had to go somewhere, so I directed the play and was sitting in the bleachers waiting with excitement to see the show. Out of no where during the show, something like that of a monster showed up, and I had a severe nervous breakdown/panic attack. Silly, I know. But every night when the show was up, I'd go, and the monster thing would come back and I would repeat the breakdown.

Monster
To�dream that you are chased or followed by a monster, represents aspects of yourself that you find repulsive and ugly. You may possess some fears or some repressed emotions. Try to confront the monster in your dream and figure out who or what aspect of yourself the monster represents.

Woah. I may have some things I need to sort out on my own.

Brother
To see your brother in your dream, may symbolize some aspect of your relationship with him. It can also serve to remind you that someone in your waking life has certain characteristics/behavior similar to your brother's.

A lot of people have my brother Anthony's shitty cliche sense of humor that I simply can't stand. It's really annoying and every "zinger" you have to offer is so predictable. Thank GOD there isn't anyone in STAC like this.

Punch
To dream that you are punching someone or something, represents hidden anger and aggression. It may also be a symbol of power and your ability to draw strength from within yourself. To dream that you are unable to throw a punch, indicates that you are feeling helpless. You may have self-esteem and confidence issues.

This is very true. My confidence can either be REALLLLLLY low or at a median. I've realized recently where my confidence level is at regarding girls. When I first started dating my girlfriend, I felt that if anything went wrong, I would be able to have the confidence to ask out another girl like nothing had ever happened. If something were to happen now, I'd be broken because I've realized how much of my life is now related to my girlfriend and I FEEL (KEYWORD, FEEL) that I could never find anyone else. Again, it's simply a feeling, not a reality.

So these are the most reoccuring things in my dreams and what I found is really interesting. Thank you, Jill for giving me the idea to look up my dreams. It all makes (some) sense.

Further: There's a song by a weird band Leah Pupkin and I like called Andrew Jackson Jihad called Daddy Didn't Love Me that totally explains (oddly) my father and I's relationship. Here are the lyrics, please don't take them too seriously.

Well, once when I was eight
everything was going great
until my father, he tried to kill me.
By the time that I was nine,
my daddy was doing time,
and my mother had enlisted in the army.

I wish my father had loved me more.

By the time was that I was ten
my dad's life was going to end
'cause he was going on ninety.
By the time I was eleven
my daddy was up in heaven
in the clouds, staring down at me.

And I can't help but miss him even though he hit me everyday.
And he tried to hang me with a belt once.
And he took nude photographs of my body.

And by the time that I was twelve, I had made my first million.
And by the time that I was fourteen, I had found the cure to cancer.
And by the time that I was fourteen, I was the president of the country
And by the time that I was fifteen, I was the champion of the world.

So I'm glad my daddy didn't love me.
And I'm glad that he tried to kill me.
And I'm glad he took those pictures of me.
I am glad my daddy didn't love me,
I said I'm glad my daddy didn't love me

Outside of myself

So this weekend was a bit weird for me, I was confronted with a reality that no one wants to ever deal with, a death. I over heard my mom talking to my neighbor about the possibility of my uncle having prostate cancer. I found this out when I got home from visiting him and my aunt...he looked fine, but cancer hides itself. So while my uncle may not have cancer, his death is inevitable and I'm having a hard time convincing myself of this. It's the last thing I want to happen. After 2 deaths last year of very close family members, I'm realizing mortality and the false hope it provides. I've been listening to the MTV unplugged Alice in Chains sessions quite a bit, and I feel like somethings is being put in my head by them and I have no idea what it is, but I gladly accept it. I've been listening to Would? on a loop for a bit now, and I'm becoming more and more attached with the chorus, "Into the flood again/Same old trip it was back then/So I made a big mistake/Try to see it once my way". It doesn't seem to effect me when it's written out as much as it does coming from Layne's voice. But this relates to what is going on in my head right now quite a bit, but lyrics have a way of applying to whatever the listener wants it to. I'm plundering into the same thing as last year, it feels about the same because I know what to expect (which makes it hurt that much more) and my mistake is I don't want to deal with this, it's selfish, but I just wish my family understood. It's too painful. I'm not ready. I'm hurting.

Last night I had a bit of a weird dream. I had a dream I was playing a show with a band. We were playing a song that I'm quite familiar with and had no problem doing so, in fact, I love playing this song. Less than half way into the song, I started hysterical crying while playing. It was weird. I played the song, jumped around, and screamed along, all while crying. I didn't mind it too much, I played with more feeling than I ever had. After the song finished, I was still crying uncontrollably. I walked down from the stage, and hugged my brother. I soon woke up teary eyed. I have no idea what this dream meant to be honest, but I wish I did. It's something I can't forget.

Updated: Things to Throw at a City

1) Indiana -Watercolor Paintings
2) Skinny Love -Bon Iver
3) Chelsea Hotel No. 2 -Leonard Cohen
4) No Cars Go -Arcade Fire
5) In the Aeroplane Over the Sea -Neutral Milk Hotel
6) Needle in the Hay -Elliot Smith
7) Cecilia -Simon and Garfunkel
8) Sense, Sensibility -Andrew Jackson Jihad
9) Such Great Heights -Iron and Wine
10) The Only Living Boy in New York -Simon and Garfunkel

So this is the playlist I came up with for the magazine. Let me know what you think. Which song is your favorite? What is it about the song that you enjoy most? Do you prefer the lyrics or do enjoy the instrumentation? Would you dedicate a song on here to anyone? Would it change how you see them? THOUGHTS! I NEED EM GUYS!

an example for what I'm looking for:
My favorite song is Indiana by Watercolor Paintings. The song makes you confront the pain of having someone you love far away from you. Rebeca's voice is so frail to me. It's a sound that can't be reproduced by anyone else in this world and it makes me feel fortunate enough to even know it. I personally adore the lyrics for this song. It's simple without anything really clever, but not blunt. In other words, it's relate-able. I'd probably dedicate Sense, Sensibility to Leah, I've been reflecting on my friendship with her a lot lately and since she's a fellow AJJ fan, consider it from one fan, to another. It did when one night a bunch of friends were going to Checkers and we put on the AJJ cd I made for her and we were the only ones paying attention to it and we were singing along to practically every song and it was just nice to sing these weird songs with a friend, I'm very grateful for my friendship with her, we met in elementary school, stopped talking in 6th grade, started talking again for a bit in 8th lost touch again, then we started talking and hanging out last year. We've changed quite a bit as people, but as friends, nothing has changed at all, and I wouldn't change that for the world.



"And I hope our candles flicker and die so that our hearts don't burn to the ground, down, down, just like Randy's house. "
Artist: Andrew Jackson Jihad
Song: Randy's House

Let The Right One In...

WHAT THE HELL?! This week has been vampire central for me, it's a pinch odd. Jack was being bothered by girls about twilight so I posted a picture of a band him and I like called Dr Acula. The girls probably didn't look, nor did they care. Soon later, Jack posted one of their songs on my wall and soon later a former STACie, Scott Reisher, posted a video by the band called "Is This a Party, or is This a Dick Measuring Contest". Weird name, I know. Now I listened to the song and 35 seconds in, something is said that relates COMPLETELY to Let The Right One In. I won't say what it is, I want you all to go and listen for yourselves and make the connection http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xALbylyJxHY

Funny, right? So the movie, really something else. We talked alot about sound, which is up my alley. I posted a comment on Jill's awesome post talking about how even if you're completly quiet, there is still noise, and it's beyond your control or anyone's for that matter. White noise. It's everywhere. I also shared how I believe silence is just a concept. Nothing in this world is silent. It's impossible. Also, the way the characters dressed really hinted as to what they were like, way before you were formally introduced to them. Take Oskar for example, his clothes seem really out dated compared to Conny's clothes and everyone else, he just doesn't fit in. Eli had basic girl outfits through out the whole movie, but when you find out she's a vampire and 200 something years old, you realize that while it seems normal to us, it's a costume to her, it's something to mask who and what she truely is, a boy and vampire. I also related where the father lived to his life. He lives in an isolated location, you don't see many houses around where he is, he's pretty alone. Much like Eli, it's like Oskar's dad is trying to hide. When you see him pull out the drink, you see the instant change of the enviornment. It's uncomfortable and it's creepy and all these feelings arised in me. This movie made me so uneasy, I loved it. I can relate to this movie in ways I'd rather not share, it's a serious matter, and no, I'm not a vampire or a 200 year old kid, but this movie affected me.

Things to Throw at a City

So while thinking of songs for the playlists, I noticed that all the songs I picked are generally peaceful songs. I'm still working on songs that flow together, somewhat, and that they all generally share a common idea in their message. All the songs I chose also are songs that, to me, would be awesome to listen to whenever I'm in the city. I soon came up with the title of the play list as Things to Throw at a City. Upon coming up with songs to put on the playlist, I thought of Leonard Cohen. Leonard Cohen has been creeping around in my brain since I wrote him down for the playlist. All of his songs are amazing. Leonard is quite a legend, and you can throw on any of his songs and be put to a profound state of ease. I chose to use Chelsea Hotel No. 2. I first heard this song as a cover from a little folk-punk singer, Paul Baribeau. He played the song for a website called ifyoumakeit.com for their "pink couch sessions" where little bands in the folk-punk/lo-fi/folk genres play a song on a pink couch either acoustic or electric, mainly acoustic. Now these aren't songs that are well structured, in fact, these are quite the opposite. These songs are crappy songs played and sung by crappy musicians, but I still adore everything about it. Paul played the song very upbeat like all of his songs and with more emotion than I've ever seen come out of him. But I've been listening to Leonard Cohen a lot today and I've fallen more and more in love with each song.

Leonard Cohen wrote the popular Hallelujah(not to be confused with Paramore's song) that has been covered by numerous artists such as Regina Spektor and Rufus Wainwright. Leonard's lyrics are also only really felt when coming from his slow, deep, older, and wiser voice. He's a force to be reckoned with.

So here's the real point, I think I should try and set my goal to 10 bands on this playlist, but heres what I have so far, go take a listen and tell me what you think. Youtube your little hearts out.

1) Indiana -Watercolor Paintings
2) Skinny Love -Bon Iver (I may change the song to For Emma, Forever Ago try both songs and let me know which one you prefer)
3) Chelsea Hotel No. 2 -Leonard Cohen
4) No Cars Go -Arcade Fire
5) In the Aeroplane Over the Sea -Neutral Milk Hotel
6) Needle in the Hay -Elliot Smith
7) Cecilia -Simon and Garfunkel