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Everyone knows what we did today, so I won't repeat anything. But after going to my final group to talk about some of my problems and things I hold dear to my heart, I found that despite the fact I almost never talk to Kalli simply because of work and sitting at different ends of the room, I found her issues quite relateable. I can say that whole "been there, done that" regarding how she views life, but why do that? I'd rather tell her that if her problems dealt with on her terms, she'll probably carry those problems through her life and try and adapt her life to other's. But it's nothing that she can't fix. There's nothing we can't fix. Kalli, you've got a good head on your shoulders there, kid.
So now, here's what I wrote down today.
Issues:
1) Fathers/Father Figures:
My dad and I never got along (refer to dream blog) and I don't feel like discussing more than that.
2) Responsibilities:
Upon the absence of my father, and two older brothers, I felt responsible for my mom and her well-being. For lack of a better term, I was the man of the house and that forced me to grow up quicker than I should have. I feel responsible for almost any sort of relationship in my life. whether it be my best friend, mom, girlfriend, family, or just people that I know that need any sort of help, but for some reason, I never seem to take responsibilities for myself. Odd, I know.
3) Voice
This one needs some explaining, which I'm more than happy to do. Growing up, I had a really bad speech impedement. I had a bad, bad lisp. I was mocked by my brothers and I became my mom's "cutest" kid. She would ask me to say certain things to hear my lisp because moms will be moms. I had to go to a speech school as a kid because of my severe impedement. My teacher's name was Miss Stacy. Try saying that with a lisp. Terrible. I figured since I was going to school to get rid of my lisp that it was something that is bad. I would get frustrated when I was reminded of my old problem and yell at others who had and problems pronouncing words. Thats the jist of my issue with voice, and I don't want to talk more about it.
Values:
1) Nature: I need Fall and Summer to do anything creative. My work thrives around nature and the moon's cyclical change.
2) Ability: The ability to walk away, if I have to, from my work and let it stay the same as I change so when I return to it, it has some different inflections to me than it once did.
3) Wes Anderson: Look this guy up. I associate myself with almost all of his characters.
Koan:
Why can't I stand up for myself? Have I changed or have I lost a spine?
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yeah, i noticed that there were many similarities between our problems too. i appreciate the fact that you don't blow it off as something you went through already but instead use the commonness in our issues to try to understand mine. thank you. anyway, what i found interesting is that all of my issues and values in some way relate to my father as well, although our relationship is very different from the one you have with your father.
ReplyDeleteI'd hope so, I don't wish the history between my father and I upon any one.
ReplyDeleteLike I said before, you know what you want in life, and you know what you need to avoid to get it. These things are essential to an artist and you seem to be on your way with getting to where you need to be.
AH, father issues... me too.
ReplyDeleteYou're a good guy, Nick.