STAC, I Miss You More and More Everyday.

I just watched the STAC 08-09 and STAC 09-10 montage and I'm pretty much on the verge of tears. You don't realize how much you've grown until you look to some comparison from the past, and I gotta say, this change is mind blowing. I would not be the person I am today without the aide of STAC and everyone that I've met in and through STAC. I feel like I'm lightyears ahead of what I'm experiencing right now through my thinking and the way I handle things. I mean, the doors that were opened for me are just getting noticed by myself now (which I feel weird saying, you'd think I'd notice by now). I'm FOREVER grateful for Luke, Ganes, both the 08-09, 09-10, and past STACies that I've had the honor of working with inside and outside of STAC. I'm forever grateful for Luke especially for always being there for me and pushing me, even though I'd often put him to the side when it came to being pushed because I was just naturally lazy, but I realize now that it was nothing more than wanting what was best for me and trying to help me in experience different things in my life. But I don't want to rant, I just want everyone to know that I love you guys to pieces, I'm a mess without my family, and I hope you guys have a giant party soon so I can come visit everyone. These words are something that should not be taken in passing, I'm very much sincere when it comes to STAC and STAC related things. I love you guys, I've said it countless times, and I'll continue to say it until my jaw falls off, I LOVE YOU GUYS, past and present!

All the best in what life and STAC brings you! Keep creating!
-Nick

Lyrics

The lyrics are coming quite moderately to me. I've never been so cautious about what I write. I mean, I'm trying to beat about 500 meters around the bush without getting caught. I mean the EP is but isn't about people. People come up in the songs, but it's about what I've gone through from summer to now and why I did the things I did I suppose? Consider it about a 4-5 song apology/explanation to those who deserve one from me.

Music From a Friend

Well, it's happened, my ears can die happily. I received in the mail today a fellow STAC Alumni and dear friend, Patrick Goodsell's E.P. entitled Come Home Happy (Or Not At All) and it is nothing short of the folky excellence I expected from him. This cd came with a personal letter that was short, but heartfelt. It reads, "Nick, Thank you for your interest. I've been nervous out of my mind about people hearing this music; your support is not something I take is passing. Thank you, and enjoy, Patrick." It seems like something that he'd just write to say thanks and not seem like he didn't care about what people thought of his music and it was to show his gratefulness for wanting the cd. And as I embark on the recording process myself, I'm terrified as well to show anyone anything. I've encountered problems with my voice already and how I feel about it's state. As of now, I'm still picking 2 songs that I want to cover at least, but I'm hoping to change it to one cover at most. This E.P. is essentially going to be a tiny tiny story of my life these past few months and year, which is something I need to people to know.

-Nick

What I'm Up To...

Hey guys, I'm keeping myself extremely busy this year, you'd all be proud. I'm writing as much as I can, drawing, dipping back into photography, and now, working on recording some songs myself. I'm starting the recording off with some covers to give me a place to start and then I'm hoping to have about 3 originals. I'll be doing all the work on the cd with recording and mixing. What makes this recording process different from my other ones is that I'm strictly recording in my house and I'm currently recording in a million different spots to see where I can get the best sound, I'll keep everyone posted!

Homesick, Depression, and All Sorts of Variations.

People are going away. It's almost like some fatal illness that people brush off when hearing about it. "It'll never happen to me", etc. but what the hell do you do when it finally happens? Accept it? It's weird. One of my closest friends shipped out this morning, and I had nothing to say other than "I love you, don't go...ok go, I love you." Almost as painful as pulling sores from your ass.

Luke and I have talked about friendships, mainly the coming and goings, but he defined friendship to me as "being able to give someone space". At first, it's a completely outlandish idea to me, but after a week or two, it settled in and I've never forgotten it. Essentially, this is for all of you who are going to be seniors. You'll all do better than me.

Hello.

Essentially, I'm back. This summer (so far) has been the biggest wake up call to me. I changed a lot towards the end of the year, and not for the better. This week I realized just how long it has been since I've written anything on my blog that I almost completely forgot about and I immediately ran to the computer. I've been working 7 days a week, lost 2 of my best friends, made a few new friends, had an intervention about my not owning a drum set with my band, been recording and writing with the boys in the band, rekindled past relationships, and like always, continuing to learn as I go on. I realized just how damn lucky I was to have STAC in my life, and I regret not fully understanding just how big it is until now.

To Luke, I owe you quite an apology. This year was just a bad year and I acted on my emotions more than I have ever in my life. I apoologize for upsetting you in anyway. You were always more than a teacher to me. You were always a friend I could go to about anything and not feel any sort of pressure. I know you always just wanted to push me in a positive way to things that would help me, and I always seemed to have gotten too afraid to give it my all. I'll have you know, that has changed and it's because of everything you taught me. Thank you.

To everyone else in STAC (both past and present), I'm sorry I haven't been there for all of you. I've been using the summer as a hibernation and it's not fair. I was afraid of growing up and it took me this summer to realize whether I wanted it to happen or not, it was. I actually believed I had a choice, which was EXTREMELY childish of me. I want ANY OF YOU to contact me if you EVER need help with anything! Whether it be artistically or just need someone to listen about whatever, I'm here for ALL of you. I'm willing to take this head on. I'm doing this for all of you. My family.

I love all of you. I'm back.

Rob's Workshop

Last Friday I went to Rob's workshop and it couldn't have happened at a better time! I actually have started to rekindle my interest in photography, but that's besides the point. Rob's workshop was really relaxed and fun. We looked at some photographs and talked about the lighting and how it effects the photograph itself and the message it gets across, he showed us this through 2 different photographs by 2 different photographers, I forget their names, but they were awesome! Then he told us about the Secret book and how people write down their secrets on a postcard that has some sort of art on it and they send it in to be published in the book. Rob told us to each get a bit of paper and write out our secrets on it and then our partners had to photograph us thinking about the secret or photograph the secret coming "alive" through us and then we had to get a picture of ourselves as the person we present to other people (this reminded me of Jim and the idea of the mask everyone wears). After we got a few shots of our partners, we had to go outside and take a picture of ourselves and things which spoke about who we were as a person. I really got into the whole natures-leaving-us aspect of outside and got a pretty cool shot of some sort of writing in the pavement. Overall, I really dug Rob's workshop, I just wish we had more time to actually do the photo-shoot with our partners but I suppose with more limited time and limitations, the more likely it is you won't mess around and you can actually get a good shot.