People in moderate places...

Recently I came across something on youtube. A girl who tought voice and guitar at a camp I used to go to is now making quite a name for herself. She's known as Jenny Owen Youngs. She's very talented, funny, clever, blonde, and badass. I've had the opportunity to hang out with her many times before she became known and is really an all around great person. This really just goes to show, you never know who is gonna be a somebody some day. So big ups to Jenny O and another mutual friend Bess Rogers for "making it"

Totally check them out sometime. Personal favorite Jenny O song, Fuck Was I. Pretty awesome stuff guys.

Everyone...

In spirit of my last post, I reconnected with another old friend today. We picked up right where we left off, dirty jokes and promises. Upon this rekindling, I realized nothings impossible, you just can't be afraid. You have to be ok with the possibilty of things not going your way and grow. As corny as it is, life doesn't stop for anything, and if it's gonna stop for you, make it worth everyone's while. Make it make people thankful. Everyone has a someone and a something. You find it, and make it work no matter what. We can always say we try, but unless you truly are trying, you won't get your moment.

All that being said, everyone has a someone. Everyone has someone that they depend on and someone that depends on them. It may not be the same person, but the flow is still there, and continuing. Here's a song I found today that completely explains what I'm talking about.

Song: Boats and Birds
Artist: Gregory and the Hawk

Phases: Music and a Friend

So every year, I go through phases of music where I only listen to one artist and then move on. Currently, I'm in my Blink-182/Reggie and the Full Effect phase. Both bands I listened to in 5th grade with a friend that I no longer friends with. I often miss that friend, we grew up together. I listen to the songs as a mourning in a sense of this person and even if the song is something as positive as "Aliens Exhist" by Blink, I still get upset. This friend will probably haunt me for the rest of my life because of how much of an impact he had on me. I started music because of him, and much like him, I don't take it too seriously, we both even went through times in our lives where we went on a break from music (at different times).

We eventually grew apart completely. He left our group of friends and became friends with cooler people, they aren't assholes, they're just cooler. He's with a whole new group while me and my friends talk about how everyone who was originally in our circle of friends seems to have gone away thus leaving only 5 people left out of 12 that still are as close as they were in 7th grade. I suppose their leaving seperated friends from people taking up space, but it still hurts.

It probably hurts more because I know that my old friend has moved on and doesn't seem to care about me anymore. I think that hurts that most. But I'll never stop hoping he doesn't turn back into his old-self and give me a call. There will always be hope. Without hope, I'd have moved on by now.

Ilana's Poem...

Ilana's poem inspired me to start writing again, especially since I've been feeling quite useless and less creative then ever. So I suppose she's restored my faith in looseleaf, and for that, I thank you over and over again. I also wrote this while listening to the playlist I made for the magazine after avoiding it since I submitted it. Ilana, this is for you, but it's not about you.

I can't tell anymore,
I'm certain that's selfish
but reassurance--

you've grown,
out of what I assumed were forests,
to an unforgiving city.

I've loved you.
Through labor
we age stereotypes.

But I can't do wrong by you,
every symphony knows that,
I can manage;
under and over
pulled tight,
kissed goodnight.
Wished on the moon for a visit,
wished on the grass for your sake.

hand in hand,
walking on planes and heads.

Screw eyes.
Damn ours.

Dearest muse,
you've done wrong
you've too comfortable,
you've been accounted for
in fields, towers, subways, and moss.

I'll always hope,
as you bow,
my mind is yours,
so we can laugh and sleep



"a pretty girl with broken wings is all that I desire"
Song: Sense, Sensibility Artist: Andrew Jackson Jihad
again.

This Break...

I haven't quite been myself this break. I've realized things that need to change in my life, and things that need to begin in my life. How these things will change and begin depend solely on myself and my willingness to change/help myself. I can't openly speak of my problems, which is a first, and it's not because I don't trust you guys, but this is something that needs to be figured out on my own. Forgive me if I seem a bit off, this may take some time.

I heard a song not too long into my epiphany that caused me to sit down and let out a bit of tears and relax. I get this whole visual when I hear this song, it's powerful to me. I imagine I'm in a car sitting behind the drivers seat going through the city, but it's empty. There isn't even a person behind the wheel. I'm moving at a normal speed looking out the window to an empty city with snow falling. The lights for stores aren't on. There's just a blanket of snow. No footprints or any imperfections in the snow that I can notice. It's peaceful.

I think I really want the city all to myself. I think I'm really selfish. I think I need more rest. I don't know what I need.

Lately I've been wandering around
Looking for my up and down
Oh, lately I've been all over town
What is lost and never found

I want to find tonight
I will be alright

Lately I've been wandering around
Looking for my up and down
I want to find tonight
I will be alright
I will be just fine

And I know that better days will come
And I know that better days will come
And I know that better days will come

Song: Duermete Artist: As Tall As Lions

Going back to what I know

So today, I went to Patrick's house to help him do a repair on a bass he made for his brother known as Frankenbass. A monster of woods thrown together with a pretty plain body with some custom features upon the request of his brother. I was sanding, which is something I take great pride in doing when working on an instrument. It's something I know I'm great at, and I know I can do with great care. It seems easy, but it takes a toll on your hands. I enjoyed it, I needed it to be honest.

While I was working on Frankenbass, Patrick was working on his new upcoming bass, a fretless with two scrolls and another monster of woods thrown together to be given the name "The Boxer Bass". And while working side by side for the first time since summer with Patrick, I felt totally humbled to be working with such a man of the craft. Doing something you're completely passionate about is something else, it really is. I love what I do and I'm lucky to have found what I love now instead of when I'm 40 facing some severe depression.

While working, we were talking about a very accomplished luthier, Carl Thompson. He's the man who builds Les Claypool's basses and Stanley Clarke's basses. He's a force to be reckoned with. Now while he may be accomplished, he's not passionate about what he does. Carl builds because he has orders to fill now and it's beyond his control. He wanted to be a jazz guitarist, but when word got out that he built an instrument, requests were made for him to build for others.

That is the worst.

I said that it hurts that someone we both look up to hates what he does. Then Patrick said something that made a lot of sense, "never meet your heroes". I think Patrick was let down more than me when he found this out. I mean I love Carl and his work, but Patrick builds because of him. Patrick's reason for anything related to bass building or repair comes from Carl. For me, I saw Patrick's bass during Children's Theater and I wanted him to build me one, but his basses are quite costly so I asked him to teach me how to build one. Ever since I started, I can't stop. My real hero is Stuart Spector, look his ass up dawgs. I want to work for him, but after hearing Patrick say what he said, I'm worried about meeting him and possibly being let down, I don't know how I'd regard the craft after hearing that what he's doing is just to make money, not to make people happy or himself. I can't handle that kind of news.


"Never meet your heroes" -Patrick Goodsell

Space, and why I can't go there.

So lately I've been pretty sad. But before I tell you what I've been sad about, you have to know how I think. I think logically, but with a different view than others. I've been told I'm "an intellectual thinker" and I feel weird accepting that title, I'd rather just call myself curious. So, why I've been sad:

Last year I started noticing the stars at night and the moon and how the night time seems to make me feel. I love space, in fact, I want to go to the moon in the worst way, but for me, it's impossible. I realized this after hearing a quote on a show I watch every now and then called Futurama. Here's the quote:

"Oh. I never told anybody this, but a thousand years ago I used to look up at the moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades. Or the physical endurance. Plus I threw up a lot, and nobody liked spending a week with me." -Fry

A humorous quote, yes, but the message is pretty much the same for me. It's painful to see something so beautiful and know you'll never be able to touch it, but I suppose that may be why I'm so infatuated with a giant rock in space. The fact that something only very few and fortunate people can experience my dream hurts. I'm so used to having things my way, and this is just shattering to me. I feel like a 5 year old because of my id, but I can't help it. And I dare you to go upstate and look at those stars and tell me that they aren't beautiful and that you wish there was just one other person you could share that moment with because seeing it alone would be too much for one person.

So today, instead of lyrics from a song, I'm leaving pictures for you all. Maybe it'll help those who don't understand why I want to go so badly. And yes, I'm a firm believer in other life forms beyond our knowledge.

http://www.emathclass.com/pictures/gods-eye.jpg

http://wanderingspace.net/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/space-walk.jpg

http://originalbeauty.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/spiral20galaxy.jpg

http://rriderlausd.org/blog2/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/galaxy.jpg

http://betsydevine.com/blog/pictures/MoonFlip.gif

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1152/1468750051_b0e4e6d2ed.jpg

http://www.ref6.com/images/P7078920.jpg